healHER Story

Shattered to Shining: How This Brooklyn Journalist Found Her Light After A Breakup

I realized I needed to heal when I recognized I left all my worth dependent on one person… I learned that if I wanted people to treat me better, I had to treat myself better.

The demise of a relationship can leave you feeling shattered and heartbroken, not to mention have your self-esteem hanging on by a thread. The darkness of a break up is not something that usually gets discussed openly. But it’s very real and can be very destructive to your long term health, your happiness, and your self-worth. Putting yourself back together again after a break often requires that you develop empathy and compassion for yourself as you sort through your emotions and process the traumatic experience.

The road to healing is never easy, but you will survive and even thrive after a break up. While the aftermath of the breakup is painful, it is also an opportunity for self development and rebuilding our self-esteem.

I caught up with Brooklynite, journalist, and healing advocate, Marsha B. to learn how an unfortunate break up allowed her to step out from her shadows and into her light. This is her story.

1. Introduce yourself and tell our readers a bit about who you are.

My name is Marsha B. and I am from the best borough there is – Brooklyn, NY. By day I work as the Fashion and Beauty Editor for HelloBeautiful. There I highlight all things beautiful and fashionable in Black pop culture. I also use the outlet as an opportunity to promote Black entrepreneurs, and Black women who are making radical changes in our community. Outside of my day job, I manage my lifestyle brand, Introvert N the City. INTC started as a quirky brand for your typical awkward, introverted Black girl. As I grew spiritually, the platform transformed into a tribe of women invested in becoming the best version of themselves. The Introvert N the City brand markets 2 affirmation decks. I also have a weekly podcast show where I dissect topics that aren’t always discussed openly. The goal is to educate listeners on lifestyles and experiences happening all over the world that we have no idea about.

My overall life mission is to be a vessel to change. Through me and my work, I hope to spark the change needed in the world. Whether it’s through providing resources, promoting businesses, or giving spiritual/ritual guidance, I want to continue to be the vessel that encourages healing and change.

2. Before we can become the women we were created to be, a spiritual journey of self-discovery and healing oftentimes requires that we say “goodbye” to the women we once were to make room for our becoming. Tell us a bit about who Marsha was before the journey and the person you had to say goodbye to.

My spiritual journey has been, and continues to be, an eventful one. Before my initial awakening I was an insecure woman whose main goal was to be liked by everyone. I was never a fan of shining too brightly because I didn’t want attention. I never understood why I was born to stand out because I was very comfortable blending in with everyone else. The Universe used a relationship to show me my worth. Until then, I didn’t understand self-worth. I was in a relationship with a woman who lied to me constantly. There were tons of red flags but I ignored them all because I wanted to be loved. One day she told a lie that I couldn’t ignore. I decided I was no longer okay with compromising to accommodate her lies. The moment we broke up and I decided to choose me, was the moment my entire life changed.

The woman I once was rarely stood up for herself. She brushed things under the rug and trusted blindly. The woman I was fell in love with potential instead of what was in front of me.

3. What was happening in your life that brought you here on this journey?

I realized I needed to heal when I recognized I left all my worth dependent on one person. I didn’t see the value in myself and I couldn’t continue to validate my value through my partners. I learned that if I wanted people to treat me better, I had to treat myself better.

4. What has been the most testing and difficult challenge(s) you have encountered on your journey and how did you overcome them?

I don’t want to claim this, but whenever the Universe wants to send me a message, it’s through relationships. Learning how to trust myself again after choosing the wrong mates has been a concern of mine. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I no longer need external validation. I no longer ignore red flags. In fact, I’ve learned the voice of my intuition and I let it guide me through the darkness as well as the light. Still, I know that a lesson can happen in the most perfect situations. Even if you make the right choice romantically, there can be a disruption. Life happens. I’m learning to trust myself regardless.

5. What hard lessons and insights has life been teaching you on your journey?

Everything happens exactly when it’s supposed to. I’ve had a mental timeline of how my life should unfold for years. The truth is, what’s meant to happen will happen exactly when it’s supposed to. That’s a difficult lesson for me since it means I have to relinquish control and rely on faith.

6. How has your journey inspired your purpose?

I’ve become more intentional with my purpose. More aware of how I speak about myself, my goals, and my contribution to the world.

7. How have you been able to hold space for yourself?

I have learned to be very gentle with my space. When things go wrong, I look inward to see how I was at fault, and how I can learn from the situation. If I’m not at fault, I free myself from guilt. Before when my relationships would come to an end, I’d blame myself for not being “good enough.” I learned that I am more than enough and someone’s inability to see that has nothing to do with me. I also remind myself constantly that I am a prize.

8. Could you touch on the importance of holistic self-care on your journey and some things you do to practice self care for your mind/body/spirit?

Self-care is mandatory for self-preservation. Over the last year I’ve learned the importance of saying no. I walk away from people, places, and things that no longer serve me almost immediately. It’s as if the years of being passive have finally caught up with me. I say no and I do it unapologetically. I also no longer hold on to the idea of doing everything correctly. I miss deadlines if I know my mind, body, and spirit needs it. I am at my best when I tend to my mind, body, and spirit so I make sure to prioritize maintenance.

I meditate more now and I find it very helpful. It sets the tone for my day and helps me to have a restful night. I go on frequent walks. For at least an hour a day, I go outside and get some fresh air. It helps me remain active, but it is also another form of meditation for me. I’m more mindful of what I put into my body. I try to stay away from processed sugars and I make sure I take my vitamins. All of this may seem like a no-brainer for some people, but when you’ve gone 36+ years treating your body poorly, these minor adjustments become major ones.

Music has been a great outlet as well. Sometimes melodies and words can help make sense of how you’re feeling. Jhene Aiko, SZA, Summer Walker, Ella Mai, Teyana Taylor, and HER have gotten me through some tough times, especially on those days where I couldn’t identify those yucky feelings that would sometimes resurface.

Traveling is also a huge part of my self-care routine. Connecting to nature is vital and I can’t always do that in NYC. Frequent solo trips carried me through the winter season. I’d go to Florida to lay out on the beach for a few days, usually around the Full or New Moon. It was a great way to set intentions or purge emotions.

9. People are finally starting to be more vocal about getting help and seeking out support from therapists, life coaches and other wellness professionals to achieve more optimal levels of well-being. Did you work with any specific type of wellness professional on your journey? If so, tell us what the experience was like, how it helped you, and any advice you have for someone who is reluctant or doesn’t think a professional could help them.

While in the relationship from last year, I was seeing a therapist. After switching employers I was no longer able to keep up the services. Honestly I loved having a therapist and I will revisit seeing one again in the near future. Going inward to heal yourself is a huge job to do alone. It helps to have a professional guide and compartmentalize your traumas.

10. What does freedom look and feel like for you?

Freedom looks and feels like authenticity. The ability to be yourself unapologetically.

11. How would you say embarking on your self-discovery and healing journey has changed you?

I feel like a more polished, upgraded version of myself. I honestly take better care of myself both internally and externally. It’s like I finally learned that in order to survive in this world, I have to become everything I need. I have to become the love I want to see. I have to heal my own wounds. I have to do a lot to preserve myself, which means I have to take better care of myself – mind, body, and spirit.

12. Being vulnerable can be very difficult for people. What does it mean to you to be able to share parts of you that are so personal with the world now?

This entire process has forced me to become vulnerable. When you go through a spiritual metamorphosis, you want to share your story because you know it can help someone else. It’s like, “I was buried in the dirt and after 3 weeks I was able to dig myself out. You can do the same!” You want to help people get through their journey because although it’s painful, the end result is beautiful.

13. How has your journey influenced your present state of being and what you are looking forward to in the future?

My journey has a heavy influence over my current state of being. I’ve learned to live in the moment and I’m much more intentional about the choices I make and the direction of my life. I’ve ultimately realized that everything I need to conquer in this life is living inside of me, and the experiences along the way, though emotional, are there to help me attain and sustain that life. That’s been comforting in those moments where life feels overwhelming.

This next chapter is about leveling up. When it’s time for me to move, Spirit does a great job at making me feel uncomfortable. I’m currently exploring work opportunities that’ll lead to a personal sense of financial freedom. Not the millionaire type of freedom – although that’s nice, I want to get to a point where I don’t have to convince myself to take the train because I don’t want to spend money on an Uber. I don’t want to feel guilty for treating myself. I deserve to live in abundance.

As far as Introvert N the City goes, I want to build a brand that continues to encourage women to create the life they want to live through their thoughts and words. The power of manifestation is real and I want to help women walk in that power. A healthy dose of self-love, self-awareness, and a positive mindset is the perfect formula to creating the life you want to live.

I consider myself a light worker. I’m all about maintaining positive energy and generating good karma. As a certified reiki practitioner, I help people who need to work out their energy kinks by aligning their chakras. I use a combination of reiki, astrology, and numerology to address areas a client’s concerns. My Mindful Moon Deck is a great tool to help any woman on a self-love journey. The 50-card deck encourages women to be gentle with themselves as the tackle their human experience. The Love Notes Deck promotes love in relationships. I created that deck with my future soulmate in mind. I’d like to add a children’s deck to the collection sometime next year.

14. Before you go, what is one piece of soul guidance you’d like to share with any woman trying to navigate her own self-discovery and healing journey?

Give yourself grace. Stop the beat up. Forgive yourself for the treatment you once allowed.

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