healHER Story

Divorced To Divine: This Lawyer Is Redefining Herself After Divorce

I’ve learned that letting go of the illusion of control allows you to be open to all that is yours because you are not guided by your own small limitations.

You can look at life after divorce as an ending or as a rebirth. I know divorce all too well, as a someone who has been divorced for over four years – how it shakes you, turns your world upside down and can leave you feeling broken, lost and not knowing how to cope with life alone. Picking up the pieces and starting over again is hard to imagine doing. After all, divorce was never part of the plan. You may question if you will ever laugh again? Will you recover and heal? Will you find love again or will you ever truly be happy?

As hard as it may be to imagine, divorce can actually be a point of positive transformation for you. Transformation to a life far better than you thought possible from the life you’re experiencing right now. It is 100% possible to go from despair to unbelievable happiness after divorce.

I had the pleasure of connecting with Ashley V. Gantt, Lawyer, Speaker, Podcast Host and a courageous woman who has been rediscovering herself after divorce. Ashley’s story is a reminder that you will get back to being the strong, powerful, optimistic woman you know you are.

1. Introduce yourself and tell our readers a bit about who you are.

My name is Ashley and I am the eternal optimist. I hail from Miami, Florida, but I was raised like a Georgia peach by Georgia peaches. I am a former teacher turned attorney, guest speaker, and podcast host. My mission in life is to help people realize their beautiful unique gifts, normalize healing, and connect with people. I am still figuring out my mission in life, so that is subject to change. I know that I am meant to engage people while sharing stories of our lives to help others feel connected. My mission is also to heal my lineage.

2. Before we can become the women we were created to be, a spiritual journey of self-discovery and healing oftentimes requires that we say “goodbye” to the women we once were to make room for our becoming. Tell us a bit about who Ashley was before the journey and the person you had to say goodbye to.

Ashley was a people pleaser. I was the self imposed responsible one. I was filled with fear of failure. I was driven by the fear of shame. I was not me. My healing journey began at the most heartbreaking juncture in my life, my divorce. I was the good-ish girl who did things how I was told to do them because then I would get the happily ever after. Nope! Thankfully. I did not know I was living with all that fear until I had nothing left to cling onto, not even the fear. I was shattered into millions of pieces and decided to create my own life. Me.

3. What was happening in your life that brought you here on this journey?

I was a 32 year old woman filing for divorce from her husband. A few days before my 33rd birthday, my divorce was final. I was…free? I was giving up the life that was never what others promised it would be, for a life I never imagined living. I was a mess. At 32, would I find love again? I was so heartbroken and defeated that I knew I needed to become the person that was always in me and shackled down in fear. I felt myself become angry and bitter and cynical and that was not who I was. I knew that I would truly lose myself if I did not heal and do the work that healing required. I knew some ugly things would come up, but I knew the alternative was much worse.

4. What has been the most testing and difficult challenge(s) you have encountered on your journey and how did you overcome them?

Asking for help is still kicking my whole behind. It’s hard. My hyper-independence has helped me maneuver through life and now I have to ask for help. But WHY? That’s my question to myself when I need help and have to work through those bad habits in order to actually get the help. I’m still working on it. Every day.

5. What hard lessons and insights has life been teaching you on your journey?

I am not in control and the very notion of thinking that I am is incredibly foolish and arrogant. The universe in its beautiful expansive intellect cannot be cavalierly handled by a little finite human, even one of the likes of me. I think I’m awesome, just in case that needed to be plainly stated. I’ve learned that letting go of the illusion of control allows you to be open to all that is yours because you are not guided by your own small limitations. You become open to the infinite possibilities of the Universe–that’s mind blowing!

6. How has your journey inspired your purpose?

My journey is leading me closer to understanding my purpose every single day. I am still letting go of things that I thought I needed in order to be me, so it’s a work in progress.

7. How have you been able to hold space for yourself?

I have set some firm boundaries. I am really proud of myself for that because that has not been easy, but I stuck with it. I have embraced what I want to think/do/feel/see/smell and everything else with little to no regard about what others would think of it.

8. Could you touch on the importance of holistic self-care on your journey and some things you do to practice self care for your mind/body/spirit?

I do yoga (not as often as I should), I meditate, I do my facial care routine, I have been cleaning up my diet, and I am honest to myself. I think the biggest thing that has been transformative has been being honest to myself when I am hurt, sad, happy, elated, blah, and everything in between. That is the beginning of my holistic self-care journey.

9. People are finally starting to be more vocal about getting help and seeking out support from therapists, life coaches and other wellness professionals to achieve more optimal levels of well-being. Did you work with any specific type of wellness professional on your journey? If so, tell us what the experience was like, how it helped you, and any advice you have for someone who is reluctant or doesn’t think a professional could help them.

I have a therapist who gets me all the way together. She has empowered me by showing me I was already empowered. Jedi mind tricks she has abundantly. LOL!

10. What does freedom look and feel like for you?

Freedom feels like breathing. It feels like looking at yourself in the mirror and loving what I see. It’s understanding that the bad is part of your journey. It’s laughing until I cry. It’s crying at a commercial. It’s looking at the face of your loved ones and seeing the great memories. Freedom is giving myself permission to grieve things I’ve lost. It feels like the sun on my skin on a breezy, sunny day. It feels like a cool, crisp glass of water after playing outside with my cousins. It feels like the warmth emanating from my granny while we watch old episodes of Britcoms on the couch. It feels like waking up to the smell of her biscuits because she let me sleep in. It feels like the kisses my mom planted on my face every Saturday morning as she whispered she loved me. It feels like being on my step dad’s shoulders and seeing the whole world. It feels like the tears in my eyes as I write this and thinking of the memories of my loved ones I will see on the other side.

11. How would you say embarking on your self-discovery and healing journey has changed you?

It didn’t change me at all. I became me. My journey gave me, me. I was everyone else’s before I was ever mine. Now, I am mine before I am anyone else’s. I think that’s beautiful.

12. Being vulnerable can be very difficult for people. What does it mean to you to be able to share parts of you that are so personal with the world now?

It means I am human. We are created for connection. It means I will live on and through others because I used my life to show them their experiences matter. It’s hard as hell. It’s scary as hell. But it’s beautiful and freeing.

13. Before you go, what is one piece of soul guidance you’d like to share with any woman trying to navigate her own self-discovery and healing journey?

I heard this when I was in the depths of heartbreak and sadness, “Nothing that is for you can be taken away from you.” There is Nothing you could do and nothing anyone else on this planet can do to stop what has already been created specifically for you. Embrace yours and allow reality to catch up. Do the work though because it/them will only show up when you are ready.

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